My AyaCon2013

Well my Italy post may take me a while due to waiting to obtain my familys’ pictures so as per the lovely Alain’s request here is the AyaCon2013 post.

I’m going to keep this quite short and sweet as I can’t even remember that much of it! (ohthealcoholconsumption).

On Friday we arrived while the rain was falling and had to follow a shoddy map with our suitcases to attempt to find our accommodation. I was cold, soaked and very very moody. It was somewhat reminiscent of ALcon2009 (my first con) when we experienced disasters such as missing buses, heels falling off shoes, smashing a bottle of vodka and running over an already dead frog with a suitcase. I didn’t have the best hope for Aya at this point. We couldn’t check in til 3 so we changed in the toilets and my lovelies – Kayt and Lizzie and Ricey aided me in a fuzzy “just-walked-in-the-rain” hair disaster. These 3 should get a medal for putting up with my hormone related moodswings from my ED. Seriously, they’re the best. Anyway, the day went extremely uphill from there! The sun came out and in my Haruhi cosplay I was requested many a time for pictures.



My friends were ridiculously accommodating to me around the meal times. While I spent hours flipping out in the shop picking up sandwiches and salads and putting them down and picking them up again, they waiting patiently and helped me decide. They came with me to look at the bar venues and asked where would be easier for me. They were gold to me and I can’t thank them enough. Food suddenly didn’t seem like such a problem here.

Lizzie and I  Friday - AyaCon2013

Lizzie and I
Friday – AyaCon2013

That night, we were exhausted and drinking didn’t seem to be on the cards for that night, so we turned in early ready for the next day we were sure was going to be epic.

And it was! I started by making use of the Fitness room at the Scarman accommodation. It was a small room containing a treadmill, an exercise bike (which for reasons covered in I refuse to use) an elliptical machine and a useless cable machine. I couldn’t strength train but I could get in some cardio which put my mind at rest. Breakfast made me nervous but I had my usual little bits of everything and handled it best that way. Again, my friends were a great help.
Me and Lizzie then spent the next few hours getting ready to be Disney princesses! I was so excited! Lizzie had spent weeks making my costume and aside from slightly too big it was PERFECT!! We had never practiced doing my hair but I’m fairly satisfied with the result.

Belle, Beauty and the Beast  Saturday - Ayacon 2013

Belle, Beauty and the Beast
Saturday – Ayacon 2013

Belle, Beauty and the Beast  Saturday - Ayacon 2013
Belle, Beauty and the Beast
Saturday – Ayacon 2013

Belle, Beauty and the Beast and Ariel, The Little Mermaid  Saturday - Ayacon 2013
Belle, Beauty and the Beast and Ariel, The Little Mermaid
Saturday – Ayacon 2013

We’re pretty cute right? I spent most of the day sat with my friends at their art tables but I had lots of fun! My photoshoot was sadly cut short due to my body temperature dropping and no access to an indoor suitable place for pictures, but it can’t be helped and I’m still happy with how it all went. 

That night we went to an Chinese Buffet. It was difficult to listen to my body of when to stop but I managed and that night…well. Alcohol.

Bourbons and Booze Saturday - Ayacon 2013

Bourbons and Booze
Saturday – Ayacon 2013

We’ll leave it that shall we!

On Sunday I went back to the fitness room, met Ricey for breakfast and prettied up for the day. I was exhausted but I had another good day. Admittedly I had a moment in the hotel room where I seriously considered a purge by making myself puke. Those of you that know me will probably know I have a phobia of throwing up. Not vomit itself, but the action of it. Those of you fortunate enough to have seen it will know just HOW scared I am of it and have held my breath and clenched my jaw in an effort to stopping it happening before. Failed attempts of course. Anyway, the point is I didn’t do it. I wanted to. Oh god I wanted to. I got as far as leaning over the toilet but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew what would come out wouldn’t be the Chinese anyway. It would just be coffee as that was all I had consumed.

Lolita Sunday - Ayacon2013

Sunday – Ayacon2013

That night was AWESOME. I drank unrestrained and just let myself be sociable. It was fantastic and I was happy.

The following morning I woke up hungover, humiliated and melancholy. I had lost my first con badge, made a fool of myself and realised I am so far from recovery. I missed my ribs and felt like I almost wanted to be skinny unto sickness. I was afraid and I didn’t know how to put my feelings into words. So I didn’t. I sat quietly on the grass, waiting for Lizzie’s dad to pick us up and avoiding eye contact with everyone. And then, I noticed something.

My friends and I have had colours associated with ourselves since we were 16. I was purple, Kayt was blue, Lizzie was green and Bex (who doesn’t go to cons) was pink. I looked down at the bracelet Kayt had bought us all and I realised that even though I’m the only one currently destroying my body (it really is no ones fault but my own) I’m certainly not alone. It’s effected everyone and I know I have people there for me. It’s important to really believe these things.

We are always together <3

We are always together

Smile for me,
Ansi xx


About ansistar

Ciao! Armed with a wooden spoon, I'm a 23 year old (18 at heart) Annie with an insatiable hunger to prove myself as something. Welcome to my blog where you will find details of my life and recovery and also my ChompTimesNom! recipes with my little mascot, Chompy. Stop for a coffee, why don't you? Keep smiling xx
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4 Responses to My AyaCon2013

  1. ChainALM says:

    Of course you should believe it. You have friends that truly love you and it shows.
    We don’t want you being “skinny unto sickness”, We only want you to be healthy and happy. I’m confident you’ll get there, and you have my number if you need someone to remind you of that.

    • ChainALM says:

      Didn’t see this since it wasn’t a direct reply. You’re welcome as always. Though, can I just say, you make a beautiful Belle, and your Lolita is gorgeous ^^

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