Learning to Love (Yourself?)

Okay guys, I recently made a discovery that before I’m ready for someone else to love me, I need to love myself. 

I was talking to one of my best friends, Elizabeth, last night and I realised I still squirm away a lot from physical contact in the romantic sense. It’s a little more complicated than that but if I only feel like people are allowed to touch me when I’m absolutely hammered then I think it’s a good indicator that I’m not ready. When I got home from hers I tried on some new purchases including a bra. I was known among friends as to have quite a set of boobs before I started the whole dieting thing. They were pretty huge for my size but have since whittled down to tiny little things. When I looked in the mirror with my new bra trying to lift the pathetic things (well ain’t that a pretty picture) and all I could see was where my ribs meet my sternum and my hip bones have their bruises from using of the roman chair yet still the stomach I can’t accept I felt hideous and the idea of someone else seeing me in such a way brought over a wave of nausea. 

I think it’s fair to say most people are self conscious about something. I would like to love my body and flaunt it when appropriate with confidence, but right now I want to hide in a huge jumper. You don’t want to see what’s underneath. 

So my question is, do you love yourself? Where is your confidence bred from? There’s one girl I know who I would just LOVE to have the confidence of. She’s not a twig. Her boobs aren’t massive. She doesn’t pile on makeup. Yet everyone thinks she’s the hottest thing that landed on earth and I know she loves herself. This isn’t a bad thing! I think she’s wonderful and I would kill to have her social butterfly personality. She’s how I wish I could be. I remember asking her last time I saw her how she “does it” and her response was “Accepting you’re not the skinniest person in the world”. I know there’s more to it than that, it’s just how she is. It’s just how I wish I could be. Accepting of myself could lead to loving myself. 

While I was shopping for the previously mentioned bra, I was saying to Elizabeth I wanted something sexy but when it came round to looking I couldn’t choose one. I told her I didn’t think I was ready for someone to see me in that way. She asked why I couldn’t buy one for me to look at and learn to like the sight of? Why? Because I feel I don’t deserve it. 

I’m certainly not alone in this. I know plenty of women and men who shy away from their naked reflections. How long before I’m not in that category? Hopefully not too long. 

 

 

 

Moving on.
I’d like to start adding recipes onto this blog as I originally intended but I can’t decide what to post first. 
> Protein dessert?
> Protein main meal?
> Generic low calorie something?
I’m looking more into nutrition than “diet” foods that just require a few often artificial switches but that’s just me. Let me know what YOU want to see. 

Smile for me. 
Ansi xx

 

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About ansistar

Ciao! Armed with a wooden spoon, I'm a 23 year old (18 at heart) Annie with an insatiable hunger to prove myself as something. Welcome to my blog where you will find details of my life and recovery and also my ChompTimesNom! recipes with my little mascot, Chompy. Stop for a coffee, why don't you? Keep smiling xx
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3 Responses to Learning to Love (Yourself?)

  1. Emma says:

    For me learning to love myself after hating my body for a really long time was pretty much a case of having the iron will to bully myself into it. Every time I looked into a mirror and the first though was “I’m hideous” I’d immediately tell myself to fuck off and that I was fine as I was and would continue getting more fine with it when I looked less like I hadn’t eaten properly in over a year.
    I pretty much dealt with the rest by finding one body part I was happy with and then gradually accepting I wasn’t 100% disgusting and building up the bravery to show them off a bit too. Plus dying my hair crazy shades because if I have crazy hair and people are staring its because 90% of them are looking at me like “she has bright orange hair” not “god she’s ugly”
    It’s not easy, but it can be done.

  2. Becky Kelly says:

    When I was at Hastings I used to hate everything about my appearance and would wear the biggest baggiest clothes I could find to cover myself.
    I started by just finding little things about myself that I liked.
    First it was my eyes so I started wearing a bit of make-up to make them stand out more (probably not very well as I was incapable of doing girly things then!)
    When Charlie started cutting my hair I became more happy with that and as you know my fringe is my pride and joy (it got no less than 5 compliments while we were in Prague, hehe).
    After that I started to get the hang of what clothes looked good on me and I started to compliment myself if I thought an outfit looked nice and stopped brushing off compliments from other people.

    I don’t know if this helps but that’s my advice…start small, don’t expect to fall in love with yourself over night, you’ll get there eventually and in the mean time I love you lots xoxoxoxoxoxox ❤

  3. ansistar says:

    It good to know this is a feeling at can be overcome then.
    Like the two of you I think I’ll tell my thoughts to shut up and focus on what I DO like. I just need to find something to like now haha

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